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sterling_heart

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update [Apr. 8th, 2007|11:56 pm]
[Current Location |home]
[mood |angryangry]
[music |none]

wow it's been a long time.
so here's the update is short form

I'm single
I cut my hair
I have a new job
I got accepted to school
I should be moving in town in a month

right now I'm pissed off. I'm doubting alot of stuff about the whole breakup, I'm not sure what I want anymore, but I can't go into details here. anyway, if you really care ask. For the record I'm not interested in sympathy right now. I may sound bitter, because I am, but this is something that I need to deal with on my own and I'm only seeking the insights of a slect few. On the whole zoe and I had a very private relationship and I don't feel like explaining everything to every one.

well I'm going to move this to a private journal.
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last night [Sep. 12th, 2006|01:19 pm]
[Current Location |work]
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |one winged angel]

I'm in a pretty good mood, I went swimming a couple friends last night then to the gahan house where I found some of the best fish and chips in town. Also I got a sampler tray of all six different micro-brewed beer they make, three of which I quite like.

I'm at work right now, 10-7 all week, not too bad, it's nice to have the evenings free but it kinda kills my communication with Zoe. Though it does mean I may be able to actualy get an Imagin campaign going, hopefully on wednesdays nights. I've been trying for weeks to organize people enough to get this going, and with the new schedule it may work. Speaking of work I now own my ipod wich is cool(it was part of an incentive/bonus thing, I had to sell extended warranties to earn points)

Nya it's really hard to keep a train of though in the 30 seconds between calls, so I'm doen for now.
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life, as usual [Aug. 28th, 2006|07:29 pm]
[Current Location |My fathers house]
[mood |stressedstressed]
[music |Take a Look at my Girlfriend]

whee it's my birthday tomorrow. These kind of things have lost their appeal to me. Christmas is just another day, my birthday is just a reason to eat cake, easter is pointless, thanksgiving is crowded and busy.
I don't relate to my family well. I don't get excited about hings for more than a day. I feel like I'm expected to do things just because that's the way it's done, but it's not my way of doing things. I hate to say it but I'm having trouble being excited about going to europe to see zoe. Thing is I feel aquard around every other girl, my lebido has been leading my thoughts and I'm currently rather disgusted with my self. I'm sick of the fac that I get no exercise, I can't even jog for a couple of minutes before I'm breathing heavy, my body is losing tone, and I'm getting so stiff that I can't touch my toes without stretching. Tech support is not the job for me, sitting in one place listening to people complain about not knowing how to use the $2000+ worth of equipment in front of them really grates on me. I used to think "how on earth can people get so worked up over this" but now I don't know why I'm always so easily irritated.

i always post when I'm in a bitchy mood, it seems to be all I post for. I just need to get some of this stuff out. I'm just dissapointed in how I've been acting lately. I again wish I could just run away. I can though, I so totaly can, I just need to line something up in europe and take off for a year. It'll do me alot of good to get off this island and away from everything. Not that I won't miss my friends but the dynamics of the group are pretty messed up at times. The worst of my behaviour has been how I act with the girls around. I'm a constant flirt, and make a fool of myself. Of all things to do, I chase tail the second Zoe leaves. I love her, and I can't express it. The term makes me wince because of how butchered and misconstrued it is but it's the simplest way to describe my feelings for her. I shouldn't be out looking for "birthday sex" for shit sake what kind of joke is that. Yeah I'm lonely, and I have powerful libido, big deal. Anything I do would be little more than base urges, I mean seriously I've been nothing but a pig, the kind of lecherous womaniser I was always so proud to not be. I think I'm going to go for a drive or a walk, or just hang my punching bag frm a tree or something. How can I be so pissed off at everything?
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First in a while [Jul. 2nd, 2006|01:10 pm]
[mood |apatheticapathetic]

It's been a while since I posted anything worth while.
here's a brief update.
I'm working at online support in a temporary call director cue.
Zoe is in the netherlands on a working vacation thing for the next 6 months-year
Still not sure what I want to do school wise. I've been considering the culinary institute.
I've just about given up on going to kung fu, as the hours at online mean that any day I work I would be at least an hour late for class or couldn't make it at all. though I can go on days off, it's hard to get back into it with only one or two chances a week. I have been trying to keep up on excercise with DDR and swimming.
Still living at my dad's this summer, helping out with barn chores, and working on the truck.

Generaly I've been rather apathetic about everything, though I miss Zoe I've not been moping like I normaly would have, which is a good thing. However canada day came and passed with me wandering down to look at fireworks and the going home and to bed without much care for it. I don't have any real ambition to do any cooking, which is odd but not unexpected with no one to cook for but myself. Same goes for a lot of little things, giving up opporotunities or just being disinterested in thing I normaly enjoy. I'm thinking it's had to do with a long time of little sleep and poor diet.

Well back to work, more later. (i promise to be more cheery)
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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2006|11:47 pm]
Your 2005 Song Is

Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz

"Love forever love is free.
Let's turn forever you and me."

In 2005, you were loving life and feeling no pain.
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banks [Dec. 16th, 2005|12:10 am]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]

I hate scotia, I hate student loans and I'm generaly pissed off right now. I was just charged a total of $95 in fees because of bounced paypall cheques and because the government chose the wrong time to pull $70 dollars out of my account towards my student loan. yeah I'm kinda pissed. the only two things I use my scotia account for is student loan payments and paypal. for shit sake a hundred dollars fuck this. and on top of that I missed two shifts because of a blizzard. hell. if I didn't have a student loan I wouldn't need two jobs and if I didn't have two jobs I wouldnt need my own vehicle and would need to spend $200 a month on car insurance. $200 in insurance, 100-200 in gas and upkeep, 80-100 in food (mostly lunches for work) now 140 or so in student loans.FUCK. half my money goes to the bloody truck. but without it I'd be spending like $20 a day in cabs to get to and from work. I hate this. I'm missing most of my kung fu because of my shifts, spending an extra like 300 because of my truck have one day off every two weeks. I hate money.

on top of this, I can pretty well say for sure I'm not going to Ireland, Artemis is going to maine instead. she leaves shortly after new years. I'm getting almost nowhere on my student loan because all I spent my money on is insurance, gas, truck repaires, and food. every so often something else and that is usualy the few and far between dates with artemis.
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(no subject) [Aug. 23rd, 2005|07:05 pm]
to put it as quickly as possable, by saturday I'll have worked 70 hours in 8 days. I'm tired and have no track of time right now. I've been getting up at 5 and not being able to get to sleep before 11 or 12, I feel alot like I did last year before Anime North. Things should even out soon though, my sleep schedual should adjust and the jobs arent too hard on me, I just have to get used to it. However I've been missing alot more kung fu than I would like and it seems that I'll be regularly getting up at 5 or 5:30 saturday monday and tuesday at the least, and possably either wednesday as well. It's pretty clear that this will not bode well for me and the belt test, and as is I don't think I'll be going to the camp at this point. I am going to need my sleep and my birthday is on monday so I'd kinda like to spend some time with Zoe and my parent's want a piece of my time as well. however if I could put in close to that much time for 3 months I could get my loan pretty well payed off. At least I don't have too much to worry about, I don't have any tight deadlines right now, and my plans are pretty vague, I just want to pass the belt test and get my loan payed off, and spend what time I can in between with Zoe. On the side I still have some work to do on the truck. I loath to spend $200+ a month on that thingbut were I not driving to and from work I would soon collapse, not to mention without it I would have alot more trouble getting to and from kung fu when I do have the chance to go, and I would see virtualy nothing of Zoe. I guess I'm just ranting at this point, and I may just make this an LJ post as well. I'm going to go have some tea and read or something so I can get to sleep before 9 and actualy get 8 hours of sleep tonight.
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(no subject) [Aug. 12th, 2005|01:50 pm]
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[music |the rythems in my head]

Ugh, slowly getting ove being sick, finaly have a summer job, just got a second, yay for working in a movie shop and a bakery, bakery training starts next week. Bareback riding is one of the most amazing things I have ever done, I'm slowly building mechanical skill (go changing fan belts and solanoids) I've been feelking creative, and a bit lonely, also despite missing too much class I am determined to practicce and pass my belt test. bamff! quick update on my life.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Stability |||||||||||| 50%
Orderliness |||||| 23%
Altruism |||||||||||| 43%
Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 63%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56%
Mystical |||||||||||||| 56%
Artistic |||||||||||| 43%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||||| 43%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 43%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 50%
Need to dominate |||||||||||| 43%
Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 50%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56%
Wealth |||||| 30%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||| 23%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Individuality |||||||||||||| 56%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||| 70%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70%
Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Histrionic |||||||||||||| 56%
Paranoia |||||||||| 36%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||| 36%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 63%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
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(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2005|10:37 pm]
Damn, what is this! I'm getting depressed again, I've been feeling alone. what I need more than anything is my friends and it's not like I don't get to see them, I just feel frustrated. Summer always used to mean relaxing and fun, now it seems to meen work and agrivation. Since I moved into my dad's place it's like I'm not allowed to be idle any more, there is always something to be done. I dunno I just feel lonely when there isn't some one to talk to when I come home or go to bed in the evening, that and when Artemis is around it's too hot to actualy cuddle. A friend posed a good question, am I actualy happy when I smile? I'm just not sure. I had a great time at anime north but now I guess the fact that I'm not going back to uni for at least a year and I have thousands of dollars of debt from last year, and the job I have (which I just got) pays minimum wage and no more than 20 hours per week. I wan't to run away.
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(no subject) [Jun. 28th, 2005|10:19 am]
Put an x for the things you have done:
Have you:
(x) snuck out of a house
(x) gotten lost in your city
(X) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states...
( ) had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
(x) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) been arrested
(x) done drugs - legal only
(x) drank alcohol
(x) laughed and had milk/pop come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(x) made out in an elevator
( ) slept in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
(x) kicked a guy where it hurts
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
( ) been to a casino
( ) been skydiving
(x) broken a bone
(x) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
(x) gotten stitches
( ) had an IV
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
( ) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) stole something from your job.
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
(x) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) saw someone die
( ) been to Africa
(x) Driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a rock show
(x) Cut yourself on purpose
(x) Been to a moto cross show
( ) lost a child
(x) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(?) done hard drugs
( ) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
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